Our children are constantly being formed.
Childhood and adolescence are seasons of rapid growth and development. Biologically, children are developing. Socially, emotionally, and spiritually, they are being shaped. Whether we intend it or not, someone or something is always shaping our children.
The real question is not if formation is happening, but who—or what—is directing it.When we talk about formation, we’re talking about how a person’s inner world is shaped over time:
- what they believe about themselves
- how safe they feel in relationships
- how they understand authority, limits, and power
- how they learn to live with others in community
Formation answers the quiet questions every child is asking:
Who am I? Am I safe? Who is in charge? Do I belong?
So it’s worth slowing down to ask:
Who or what is forming your children right now?
Friends? Social media and reels? Culture? Family? Church? The Bible? School and teachers? Materialism and advertising? Influencers? Political messaging?
What messages, assumptions, and values are soaking into their hearts, minds, and souls—often without anyone explicitly naming them?
Culture is loud, fast, and persistent.
Formation in Christ is slower, relational, and intentional.
And formation without wisdom, love, and guidance tends to produce confusion, fragility, and disconnection.
As Christian parents, we are not called to shield our children from the world—but to shepherd their hearts, partnering with God to shape character, emotional health, wisdom, and faith. We want to intentionally influence our children’s values, identity, and sense of security through our care and in cooperation with the Lord, rather than outsourcing that work to cultural forces that were never designed to love them.
In this blog series, we will explore eight cultural messages that seem especially targeted toward young people in America today. (Cultural messages may look different in other parts of the world, but many of these themes still apply.) Families are trying to navigate these messages, yet they can be overwhelming, constant, and often subtle. Sometimes we don’t notice the lessons our children are picking up from school, social media, entertainment, peer culture, or even adult conversations around them.We’ll place those cultural messages side by side with what children actually need for healthy attachment, spiritual formation, and emotional maturity.
A Formation Framework for Christian Parents
Identity → Regulation → Authority → Community
Formation doesn’t happen all at once. It unfolds in layers, and those layers matter.
This series is organized around four interconnected stages of formation that shape a child’s inner world and relational life.
1. Identity
Who am I? Am I loved? Do I matter?
Children first need a secure sense of identity. Before they learn to behave well or believe rightly, they need to know they are loved, valued, and welcomed. Identity formation answers the question: Who am I apart from what I do or produce?
Culture often ties identity to achievement, appearance, or comparison. Children need something sturdier: belovedness that is not earned.
Isaiah 43:1 says:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.”
Identity is personal, secure, and claimed by God. Belonging is central to the gospel and the core of identity formation.
2. Regulation
What do I do with my feelings? Who helps me when my emotions are intense or overwhelming?
Children learn how to manage emotions through relationships. Before they can regulate themselves, they need adults who help them calm, name, and move through strong feelings. Regulation is not about suppressing emotion—it’s about learning that emotions are safe and manageable in connection.
Culture often pushes children to self-manage emotions prematurely or avoid discomfort altogether. Children need co-regulation before self-regulation.
Psalm 34:18 says:
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
God does not avoid strong emotion—He draws near to it. This verse models divine co-regulation: presence before fixing.
3. Authority
Who is in charge? Can I trust limits?
Healthy authority helps children feel safe. When adults lead with clarity, consistency, and care, children learn that limits are protective—not punitive. Authority formation teaches children how power works in relationships.
Culture often confuses authority with control, independence, or self-rule. Children need leadership that is firm, relational, trustworthy, and bigger than themselves.
Psalm 23:1–3 says:
“The Lord is my shepherd… He restores my soul.”
This is authority as guidance and care, not control. The shepherd leads, protects, and restores—exactly the model of secure, relational authority.
4. Community
How do I live with others? How might my choices affect the people around me?
Children are formed in relationship with others. They learn empathy, responsibility, repair, and belonging over time. Community formation teaches children that they are not the center of the universe—neither are they alone.
Culture often elevates self-focus and personal truth. Children need guidance in learning mutuality, responsibility, and love of neighbor.
Romans 12:10 says:
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
This verse captures mutuality, empathy, and responsibility—key outcomes of healthy community formation.
Each post in this series will touch one or more of these formation stages as we contrast what culture says with what children actually need.
Reflection Questions for Parents
As you begin this series, consider these questions that are meant to help you grow in awareness—they do not come from a place of judgement:
- What messages do my children hear most often about who they are and what makes them valuable?
- Where do I notice culture shaping my child’s expectations about comfort, success, independence, or emotions?
- Which voices seem loudest in my child’s life right now—and which voices are quieter?
- When my child is distressed, what do they learn from how I respond?
- Based on what they experience at home, what do my children seem to believe about authority, limits, and power?
- In what ways am I intentionally shaping my child’s inner world, and in what ways might formation be happening by default?
Formation is happening every day—in small moments, repeated patterns, and ordinary interactions.
The hope of this series is not to make you panic or get down on yourself or the culture, but to increase intentionality: becoming more aware of the forces shaping our children, and more confident in partnering with God to shepherd their hearts toward life, wisdom, and connection.
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