As we begin a new year, I really want to start out by encouraging you in your parenting journey! Parenting is hard and it can be a discouraging or frustrating task at times. There are many things that influence our parenting practices and that influence our children and their behavior. These mechanisms can come into play whether we are parenting littles, teens, adult children, or grandchildren. We may not notice some of these things happening.
Take Notice
Cultural trends, social pressures, genetics, mental health, trauma, family history, finances, community standards, competing demands…the list can go on and on. It is easy to get caught up in activities and busy-ness or in comparison. When we are just getting through the day and not reflecting on our reactions or our children’s reactions, it is more likely that we will establish unhelpful patterns. As parents, our ability to reflect on our parenting experiences and behaviors plays a large part in developing a more secure attachment with our children.
My hope is that if we slow down and contemplate our parenting practices and take them to the Lord, we can be more intentional and more confident in how we raise and respond to our children and their needs. Depending on your faith or faith tradition, you may or may not put much stock in the devil or concept of evil. I am not trying to convince you one way or another but I believe that the enemy likes to work in subtle ways that tend to go unnoticed.
I am reminded of 1 Peter 5:8 that talks about paying attention because “your enemy the devil prowls around looking for someone to devour.” Nothing pleases the enemy more than when believers take their eyes off of Jesus or when dissatisfaction is creased in important areas of our lives.
Derailing Tactics
This blog series is going to look at different tactics that satan might use to try to undermine our parenting, our family relationships, or our relationship with God. Even if you are not a Christian or don’t believe that the devil exists, examining these barriers to satisfaction in parenting may help you clarify your parenting intentions for this year.
My hope is to help us see ways that we may be getting derailed in parenting. I am writing about this topic not to try to point out problems or make you feel bad, but to encourage you and to free you from untruths that might be entangling you, entangling all of us all. None of us need more blame or accusations in our lives! We all could probably use some clarity in places we may be getting stuck in our relationships, especially with our kids.
Often the enemy uses these schemes to keep us off track and not trust or turn to God. Let’s look together at tactics that we may have integrated into our parenting or our mindset in our families without even realizing it. Satan can be very sneaky.
The Life Application® Bible, NIV (1991) listed Satan’s Plan as doubt, defeat, discouragement, diversion, and delay. I am going to expand on that and apply it to parenting. For the next two months, we are going to examine strategies that the enemy uses to keep us unfulfilled and disconnected from God, our families, and ourselves. Each week, we will examine one ploy that the devil may use to derail our parenting. We will discuss the strategy or ploy and how it works, a Biblical story or character who experienced that type of ploy, how it can play out in parenting, and guidance or encouragement for avoiding that scheme of the enemy.
Here is a quick run-down of the detrimental devices of the devil that can derail our parenting:
🚆 Doubt** – makes you question God’s word and goodness
🚆 Discouragement** – makes you focus on problems or struggles rather than on God
🚆 Distraction – makes other things grab your attention and jump from thing to thing
🚆 Discontent – makes you unsatisfied with what you have/situation; believe you deserve better; pessimistic attitude
🚆 Detour (Diverversion**) – makes the wrong things seem desirable so that you want them more than the right things; going in the wrong direction
🚆 Division – makes conflict or dis-unity fracture relationships or community; focused on the other person’s negative qualities or difference
🚆 Delay** – makes you put off doing something and not get back to it
🚆 Deception – hides the truth so it is not easy to see or is easy to forget; makes you believe lies
🚆 Dismissive – makes you consider something insignificant or not worthwhile
🚆 Distress – emotional upset that is overwhelming
🚆 Dejection (Defeat**) – makes you feel like a failure, so you just give up
🚆 Dread – fear or uncertainty about what is yet to come; makes you anticipate something bad happening
Antidotes for Derailing Tactics – Getting Back On-Track
🛤️ God
My husband and I have taught high school Sunday School for years. We always joke with the students that the right answer is always “Jesus.” That is true here, too. The more we look to Jesus and take our concerns and frustrations to the Lord, the more we can be encouraged and our priorities can be adjusted to His truth. This does not mean that things will get easier. It does mean that we will have a Savior who is with us in the midst of the challenges and who loves us through the hard times and the good times. He will give us hope.
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…
so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”
-Hebrews 12:2-3 (NIV)*
🛤️ Scripture
1 John 3:8 says that “The devil has been sinning since the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work.”* The Bible encourages us to remain humble and rely on God and stand firm in the faith (1 Peter 5:6, 9; James 4:7). Ephesians 6 also tells us to put on the armor of God to defeat the enemy. There are many encouragements and guidance in God’s Word.
🛤️ Stop and pay attention to what is going around us and inside us
The ability to reflect and ponder your reactions and your children’s reactions can provide a new perspective or more compassion. It may also clarify where struggles are coming from.
🛤️ Empathy for your children, your spouse or co-parent, and yourself
🛤️ Honesty about how you are feeling, thinking, needing, and where you have messed up.
We need to evaluate the parts of ourselves that we bring to the parenting table.
🛤️ Community
Trusted friends or family members may also be able to share things that they have noticed or answer questions about how you interact or come across with your children or others. They may be able to notice some of the derailing tactics that you are experiencing if you ask them.
🛤️ Understanding What Your Child Needs
Children’s behavior can be confusing. It can be hard to know what your child needs or what is going on inside of them. Children long to feel safe, secure, and connected but often their actions lead to the opposite. Having a model to better understand when to give them space, how to support, when to approach, and when to take charge can be helpful. Child development and attachment science can provide helpful information.
Questions to ponder:
What influences do you think most strongly impact your approach to parenting or how you respond to your children?
Are there areas of your parenting where you may be side-tracked because of how you are interpreting the situation or lies that you may be believing about your parenting or your child?
Which tactics do you think you are most likely to engage or give in to?
As you reflect on your parenting, if you are feeling stuck or discouraged and would like a guide by the side to help you dig deeper into parenting struggles, sign up for a free 15 minute consultation.
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*The Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV). (2011). Biblica, Inc. (Original work published in 1978.)
**This blog was inspired by the Life Application® Bible, NIV (1991). Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Wheaton, IL. that listed Satan’s Plan as doubt, discouragement, diversion, defeat, and delay (pg. 13) and was expanded and applied to parenting by this author.
