Discontent: A Destructive Influence in Parenting
As we continue examining the enemy’s tactics to undermine our relationships with God and our families, one subtle but dangerous device is discontent. Discontent festers when we are dissatisfied with our circumstances, our relationships, or even God’s provision. It often takes root unnoticed, affecting our thoughts, words, and actions in ways that can damage our homes and relationships.
Discontent can manifest in various ways, but two particularly harmful expressions are disparaging (criticizing, belittling, or complaining) and despising (harboring resentment or contempt). Whether through words or attitudes, discontent can create an unhealthy atmosphere in our parenting, robbing our homes of peace and joy.
A Biblical Example of Discontent
The Israelites provide a powerful cautionary tale about discontent. Though God miraculously delivered them from slavery, parted the Red Sea, provided food and water, and guided them with His very presence, they still grumbled at every challenge. They complained about their circumstances, doubted God’s care, and even wished to return to Egypt—forgetting the very oppression that had led them to cry out for deliverance in the first place. Their discontent blinded them to God’s provision and hindered their faith.
When we allow discontent to shape our mindset, we risk missing God’s blessings in our lives and modeling a spirit of grumbling for our children.
How Discontent Shows Up in Parenting
Discontent can creep into parenting in both our words and attitudes, affecting our children more than we realize:
- Speaking Negatively About Others in Front of Our Kids – Criticizing a spouse, teacher, or another parent teaches children to focus on faults rather than solutions.
- Complaining About Life’s Challenges – Constant grumbling about finances, work, or responsibilities fosters an atmosphere of dissatisfaction. Complaining about meeting your child’s needs makes them feel like a burden or unimportant.
- Harsh or Critical Words Toward Our Kids – Comparing them to others, dismissing their efforts, or focusing only on mistakes can discourage and wound them.
- Holding Resentment Against Family Members – Unresolved bitterness towards a spouse, ex-spouse, or even a child can create emotional distance and strain relationships.
- Withdrawing Love or Affection – When we allow resentment to take root, we may pull away from those closest to us, even unintentionally.
Discontent poisons the atmosphere of a home. When children grow up in an environment where negativity and resentment prevail, they may internalize those attitudes, affecting their self-worth and future relationships.
Practical Steps to Overcome Discontent
If you recognize signs of discontent in your heart, take steps to replace it with gratitude, grace, and a spirit of encouragement:
- Practice Gratitude Daily – Make a habit of thanking God for the blessings in your life, no matter how small.
- Check Your Words and Thoughts – Ask yourself: “Would I want my child to adopt this attitude toward life?”
- Focus on Others’ Strengths – Intentionally acknowledge and affirm the good in your children, spouse, and others.
- Surrender Control to God – Trust that God is at work in your circumstances, even when they don’t align with your expectations. Ask God to replace your discontent with gratitude or joy.
- Remember God’s Faithfulness – Take stock of what the Lord has done in your life and in your family. It can be easy to overlook the sea that was parted, the manna that showed up every morning, or God’s presence in the pillar of cloud and fire that provided direction and protection. Make a reminder of God’s work in your life and put the memorial somewhere you will see it often.
- Seek Help and Accountability – Whether through prayer, friendships, or professional guidance, reach out for support if resentment and negativity feel overwhelming or pervasive in your life.
Encouragement for When You Struggle
Discontent is something we all wrestle with at times. But when we recognize it and surrender it to God, we can cultivate a home filled with grace and gratitude.
If you find yourself struggling with a persistent spirit of dissatisfaction, ask yourself:
- What is at the root of my discontent?
- Am I doubting God’s goodness or provision in my life?
- How is my attitude affecting my children and the atmosphere of our home?
The Bible reassures us:
- Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV): “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
- Philippians 4:12-13 (NIV): “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation…I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.”
- Ephesians 4:32 (NIV): “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Take heart, my friend. God is working in your life and in your family. You don’t have to stay stuck in discontent—His grace is sufficient to help you cultivate joy and peace in your home.
Questions to ponder:
When you complain, what is behind that discontent for you? Is there unbelief hiding somewhere in your heart?
How do you imagine it impacts your kids when they hear you speak negatively or act out of resentment?
How might you shift your focus toward gratitude rather than what feels lacking or wrong?
Are you experiencing discontent in parenting that you would like to work on? Jump on a 15-minute FREE Connection Call with me to discuss how Attachment-focused Parenting and Enneagram Coaching can help your family.
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*The Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV). (2011). Biblica, Inc. (Original work published in 1978.)
**This blog was inspired by the Life Application® Bible, NIV (1991). Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Wheaton, IL. that listed “Satan’s Plan” as “Doubt, Discouragement, Diversion, Defeat, and Delay” (pg. 13) and was expanded and applied to parenting by this author.
