Detrimental Devices of the Devil: Is DISCOUNTING–Due to Delaying or Dismissing–Derailing Your Parenting?

Discounting: Downplaying the Importance of Something

The enemy is devious in his efforts to undermine our relationships with God and our families. One of his strategies is to keep us from recognizing and embracing the significance of something. We may put off, put down, or push away other people, their efforts, ideas, emotions, and even the Lord. When we get sucked in, it is often hard to recognize the sneaky nature of discounting or disdaining the value of something or someone (including ourselves). If we downplay the significance of something important, we may push it to the side and not recognize or admit its importance.

An attitude of discounting distorts our ability to see the truth. We can dismiss what is important and treat it as insignificant, or we can delay taking action by minimizing its priority. When we downplay the importance of our children or their behavior, the value of our relationships, or the right ordering of priorities, we make them to be less than what they really are. We minimize something that has value.

Two aspects of discounting the importance of something are downplaying it in your mind or in your actions:

• Dismiss — When we consider something important to be insignificant or not worthwhile, we may reject it or ignore it.
• Delay — When we put off doing something, assuming we will get back to it later, but ultimately never do.

Let’s take a deeper look at these struggles and how they show up in our parenting.

A Biblical Example of Dismissing

Even with the signs and prophecies, King Herod and the Jewish leaders did not pay attention to the birth of Jesus. Despite the Jewish people waiting centuries for the Messiah, they did not recognize Jesus as the fulfillment of the Old Testament predictions. That is, until the Magi from the East showed up looking for Him. Suddenly, because educated men from other places sought Him out as a King, the Jewish leaders became interested in Him—not to worship, but to protect their political and religious power.

Sometimes, things happen right under our noses, and we downplay or don’t even register their importance. This can happen in parenting when we dismiss our children’s needs, feelings, or experiences.

A Biblical Example of Delay

After the Israelites were freed from slavery in Egypt, God led them by a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night. He promised them a land flowing with milk and honey. When they neared the promised land, Moses sent out spies—one from each tribe of Israel. The spies saw a flourishing land but also large, intimidating inhabitants. Ten of the spies, driven by fear, discouraged the people from moving forward. They doubted God’s ability to deliver them and convinced the Israelites to delay entering the promised land.

Because of their reluctance and delay, God punished them for their doubt and made them wander in the desert for 40 years so that none of that generation (except for Caleb and Joshua who were the 2 spies who encouraged the people to trust God and move forward) would enter the land. They missed a beautiful opportunity to experience the grace and favor of the Lord. What a pity!

We don’t want to miss the wonderful opportunities we have to shepherd and care for our children because we are blinded by fear, doubt, or busyness.

How Discounting Shows Up in Parenting

We can downplay things that are important by either putting them off indefinitely or dismissing them outright. Here are some ways this might play out:

• We Keep Putting Off Our Child’s Request to Play With Them — While we may be busy or uninterested in play, children need fun and exploration with us. Play is their primary form of communication. When we keep putting off their request, we convey that spending time with them is not important.
• Not Keeping Our Promises — We may make commitments to our kids in the moment but never follow through. This makes children feel dismissed and can erode their trust over time.
• Trying to Get Our Kids to Stop Having Their Feelings — Negative feelings or even intense positive emotions can be overwhelming for parents. When children repeatedly receive the message that their feelings are too much, they learn to suppress them. This can lead to emotional struggles in adulthood.
• Diminishing Other Family Members — Speaking badly about a spouse, child, or extended family member within earshot of children conveys disrespect and can undermine family relationships.
• Downplaying Your Authority — If you back away from taking charge when your children need guidance, it leaves them without a clear authority figure. This can make their world feel unpredictable and unsafe.

When we discount people, emotions, or needs, we inadvertently teach our children to do the same. But we can choose a different path.

Practical Steps to Overcome Discounting, Diminishing, and Minimizing

1. Be aware of when you diminish the value of other people — Notice if you dismiss your children’s feelings, needs, or contributions.
2. Find Your Value in the Lord — If you struggle with feeling inadequate, let your worth be rooted in God, not in performance.
3. Pray to See Others the Same Way God Sees Them — Ask for eyes to see the value in your children, spouse, and others.
4. Ask Yourself If You Are Projecting Your View of Yourself Onto Others — If you struggle with self-worth, you may unintentionally minimize others.
5. Only Commit to What You Have Time to Do — Be intentional about following through so you don’t delay important actions.
6. Actively Listen to Your Children — Show them they are heard by engaging in their conversations and validating their emotions.
7. Set Small, Attainable Goals — If you tend to delay action, break tasks into smaller steps to ensure progress.
8. Speak Words of Affirmation — Regularly affirm your children, spouse, and yourself to counteract the tendency to diminish worth.

Encouragement for When You Feel Like Discounting

• On valuing others: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (Philippians 2:3, NIV).
• On following through with commitments: “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No'” (Matthew 5:37, NIV).
• On your worth in God’s eyes: “You are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you” (Isaiah 43:4, NIV).
• Some quotes to consider:
  • “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” —Peggy O’Mara
  • “Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned.” —Peter Marshall

Stay encouraged! You are not alone in this journey.

For encouragement and practical parenting support, I’d love to help. Schedule a FREE 15-minute Connection Call to explore how Attachment-Focused Parenting and Enneagram Coaching can bring hope and clarity to your family.

If you would like to get my email newsletters delivered right to your inbox, sign up here.