Detrimental Devices of the Devil: Is DISCOURAGMENT–Feeling Deserted or Despair–Derailing Your Parenting?

Discouragement: Focusing on What Is Not Going Well Rather Than on God

The enemy is cunning in his efforts to undermine our relationships with God and our families. One of his most effective tactics is discouragement. He whispers the lie that we are “without” — without support, without hope, without direction. When we fall into this trap, we lose sight of what is important and true. We take our eyes off Jesus and fixate on what is going wrong, on what feels missing, and on what we wish were different.

Discouragement is blinding. It distorts our ability to see the good in ourselves and in our children. As parents, this leaves us less capable of being present, attuned, and engaged.

Two common aspects of discouragement that can deeply affect our parenting are:

• Feeling Deserted — The sense of being alone or abandoned, carrying the full weight of parenting on your own.
• Feeling Despair — A loss of hope, where it seems that things will never get better, no matter what you do.

Let’s take a deeper look at these struggles and how they show up in our parenting.

A Biblical Example of Feeling Deserted and Despairing

In the book of Job, we meet a man of complete integrity, described as blameless before God. Yet, the Accuser (satan) challenges Job’s faithfulness, claiming that Job only loves God because of his blessings. God allows Job to be tested, stripping him of his wealth, health, and even his children.

Through it all, Job refuses to curse God, but his suffering is immense. His friends, instead of offering comfort, accuse him of hidden sin. Job is not only in deep pain but also betrayed by those he trusted. He cries out in his anguish:

"I am mocked by people… they despise me and won’t come near me except to spit in my face… They do everything they can to destroy me. They know I have no one to help me. They come at me from all directions. They jump on me when I am down… Depression haunts my days… I cry out to you, O God, but you don’t answer… My heart is troubled and restless. Days of suffering torment me."
- (Excerpts from Job 30, NLT*)

Can you hear the heartbreak in his words? Can you relate to the feeling of crying out to God and hearing nothing in return?

Yet, God was not absent. When He finally speaks, He reminds Job of His power, His sovereignty, and His faithfulness. Job, humbled and restored, acknowledges that God can do all things. And in the end, God blesses him even more than before.

Like Job, we may feel abandoned and hopeless. But when we encounter God for who He truly is, our perspective shifts. We see rightly again.

How Discouragement Shows Up in Parenting

Discouragement seeps into parenting in ways that can be both subtle and overwhelming. It can drain us of energy, leaving us feeling empty and ineffective. It can warp our view of our children and our role as parents. Below are ways discouragement manifests in parenting, divided into two categories: Feeling Deserted and Feeling Despair.

When We Feel Deserted in Parenting:

• We Become Internally Focused — The loneliness and weight of doing it all can become so overwhelming that we struggle to focus on our children’s emotional and physical needs.
• We Pull Our Kids In Too Close — In our desire to not feel alone, we may overly depend on our children for emotional support or discourage their independence.
• We Stop Relying on Others — If we feel abandoned by a spouse, family, or community, we may refuse to seek help or accept support, believing we must handle everything ourselves.
• We Convey a Negative Message About Relationships — Our feelings of betrayal or isolation can unintentionally teach our children not to trust others, leading to their own relational struggles.
• We Harbor Resentment — This is especially true in co-parenting situations where one parent feels they are carrying an unfair burden. Resentment can spill over into how we interact with our children.

When We Feel Despair in Parenting:

• We Run on Empty — Parenting requires energy, and when discouragement sets in, we may feel too depleted to engage in meaningful ways.
• We Don’t Know How to Change — If a child is struggling, we may have tried everything we can think of, only to feel defeated when nothing seems to work.
• Pessimism Takes Over — Hopelessness distorts reality, making us see everything in a negative light.
• We May Give Up — Tasks that need to get done—whether for our children, our home, or ourselves—may feel too overwhelming to even attempt.
• We Neglect Healthy Boundaries — When exhaustion takes over, we may let go of structure and discipline, either from apathy or lack of energy to enforce them.

Discouragement distorts our perspective. It drains joy and makes parenting feel burdensome. But we do not have to stay stuck there.

Practical Steps to Overcome Discouragement

When You Feel Deserted:

• Acknowledge Your Feelings — Bring your loneliness before God. He sees you. Talk to a trusted friend or mentor who can remind you that you are not alone.
• Reconnect With Support — Even if past experiences have been painful, seek out community through church, parenting groups, or friendships.
• Find Encouragement in Scripture — Meditate on verses that affirm God’s presence and faithfulness.
• Let Others Help — Saying yes to help is not weakness. It is wisdom.

When You Feel Despair:

• Pray for Perspective — Ask God to help you see the bigger picture beyond today’s struggles.
• Take Small Steps — Instead of being overwhelmed by the big picture, focus on one small thing you can do today to bring peace to your home.
• Seek Wise Counsel — If your child is struggling, reach out to a mentor, therapist, or parenting coach.
• Rest and Refuel — Discouragement is often worsened by exhaustion. Prioritize rest, healthy food, and time with God.

Encouragement for When You Feel Beaten Down

Elijah, a great prophet of God, once fled in fear and despair. He felt utterly alone and was ready to give up. But God met him in his exhaustion—not with thunder, not with fire, but with a gentle whisper. He provided food, rest, and a renewed purpose.

If you feel abandoned, overwhelmed, or hopeless, know this: God sees you. He has not forgotten you. He will meet you in your discouragement and lift your head.

You Are Not Alone

If you are struggling with despair and need support, please reach out to a pastor, counselor, or crisis service. If you are having suicidal thoughts, you can call or text the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.

For encouragement and practical parenting support, I’d love to help. Schedule a FREE 15-minute Connection Call to explore how Attachment-Focused Parenting and Enneagram Coaching can bring hope and clarity to your family.

Stay encouraged! You are not alone in this journey.