Detrimental Devices of the Devil: Is DISTRACTION–Due to Determination or  Destruction–Derailing Your Parenting?

Overview – Distraction

As we continue examining the enemy’s tactics to undermine our relationships with God and our families, we’ll explore two more strategies that shift our focus away from God’s truth and His plans: determination and destruction.

We can become so consumed with our own goals that we lose sight of what’s happening around us, or we can fixate on what has been lost or broken. These distractions can pull us away from our children, leaving them feeling unseen or unimportant.

We all get sidetracked at times. Take heart and take a good look at your life. You can do this parenting thing! Let’s identify how distraction is affecting your parenting and make intentional choices to reconnect with God and your children.

Determination: Obsession with accomplishing a goal.

Determination becomes dangerous when we are so absorbed in accomplishing a goal or engaging in an activity that we refuse help and fail to notice what our children need. We push forward at all costs, believing we alone must make it happen.

Biblical Example of Determination

King Nebuchadnezzar was so determined to have people honor him that he built a 90-foot gold statue and commanded everyone to worship it. When Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refused, he flew into a rage and threw them into a fiery furnace. His obsession with control blinded him to reason until God revealed His power. Even after witnessing a miracle, Nebuchadnezzar later took credit for building Babylon by his own strength. As a result, God humbled him with seven years of insanity. (Daniel 3-4) Determination is not a bad thing but when it leads you astray, like it did with Nebuchadnezzar, it is time to recognize that you may be distracted by your desire to reach that goal.

How Determination Shows Up in Parenting

• Task Focus: You just need to finish this one thing—so you put off playing, listening, or engaging with your kids.
• Pride: You refuse to admit you need help, insisting you can handle everything on your own.
• Forced Interactions: You push activities on your kids that they don’t enjoy, ignoring their feelings.
• Avoiding Vulnerability: You struggle in parenting but keep it to yourself rather than seeking support.
• Pressure to Achieve: You push your kids toward accomplishments that matter to you rather than encouraging their own interests.

Practical Steps to Address Determination

• Ask Yourself: Is this essential? Is this the right time for it? Who does this benefit?
• Invite Participation: Involve your children or spouse instead of isolating yourself.
• Be Attentive: Notice if your kids are disengaged or losing interest.
• Check Your Motives: Is your determination deepening or damaging your connection with your children and God?

Destruction: When something is ruined or irreparably damaged.

Destruction can take many forms—loss of a dream, a relationship, a job, or even a home. Things we love can get decimated and it can impact where we place our attention. When we are consumed by grief or devastation, we may unintentionally withdraw from our families as we mourn the loss, leaving our children feeling neglected or unsure of where they stand.

Biblical Example of Destruction

Nehemiah, an Israelite cupbearer in exile, was heartbroken when he learned about Jerusalem still being in ruins. He mourned, fasted, and prayed before resuming his duties. When the king noticed his sorrow, Nehemiah spoke honestly, and God made a way for him to help rebuild the city. Though deeply burdened, Nehemiah didn’t shut down—he sought God and took action. (Nehemiah 1-2)

How Destruction Shows Up in Parenting

• Unmet Expectations: Your child’s life is unfolding differently than you hoped, and you struggle to accept it.
• Broken Relationships: A damaged relationship (with a spouse, co-parent, or even your child) leaves you emotionally unavailable.
• Emotional Withdrawal: Grief or disappointment leads you to disengage from daily parenting responsibilities.

Practical Steps to Counter Destruction

• Anchor in Truth: Remind yourself and your children of God’s faithfulness. For example, Romans 8:38-39 (NIV): “Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
• Allow Yourself to Grieve: Grieving loss is necessary. Name the pain, but don’t let it define your parenting.
• Seek Support: Whether from God, friends, or professional help, don’t go through loss alone.

Encouragement for When You’re Distracted by Determination or Destruction

You are not alone in this struggle. When your focus drifts toward obsession or loss, pause. Reconnect with God and your children. They need you more than they need perfection or resolution. They want you to be there, even in the messy middle.

And remember what Proverbs 16:9 (NLT) says: “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” Forcing things to happen or being preoccupied just leads to distraction that does not get us where we need to be. The Lord will be with you and lead you in the right direction if you look to Him.

Questions to ponder:

What have you been determined to accomplish that has shifted your focus away from your children or God?

How has destruction kept you from being emotionally present with your family?

What steps can you take today to refocus on what truly matters?

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