What happens when we look at the struggles of parenting through the lens of the Enneagram—specifically, how the Enemy’s devices can derail us? [See previous blog series on Detrimental Devices of the Devil and How They Can Derail Parenting.] Let’s explore how these challenges may impact an Enneagram Type 1 parent and ways to overcome them.
Doubt: Questioning God, His Word, His Goodness, or Your Ability as a Parent
- You may constantly wonder if you’re parenting the “right” way, seeking the best method instead of trusting your instincts and God’s guidance.
- The inner critic can be mistaken for the Holy Spirit, making you feel unworthy or incapable.
- If your parenting style doesn’t align naturally with your child’s needs, you might doubt whether you’re the right parent for them.
Combatting Doubt:
- Reframe the Inner Critic: If you wouldn’t say it to a friend or your child, don’t accept it as truth for yourself. Shift from harsh self-evaluation to compassionate reflection.
- Seek Truth Over Perfection: When uncertainty creeps in, turn to prayer and Scripture rather than excessive research or self-judgment. Trust that God has equipped you to guide your child. Often our weaknesses or struggles can bring us closer to God and keep us humble.
Distraction: Losing Sight of What Matters Most
- You may shift focus from connection to fixing imperfections—whether in your child, household, or community.
- Seeking the “best” parenting advice can become a rabbit hole, leaving little time for actual engagement with your children.
- Perfectionism may cause you to get stuck in details rather than simply being present.
- May notice the negative instead of the positive in their children.
Combatting Distraction:
- Prioritize Presence Over Perfection: Ask yourself, Will this matter in five years? If not, let it go and redirect your energy toward your child.
- Set Information Boundaries: Limit research time and commit to action. Trust that you don’t need all the answers to be a great parent.
Discontent: Feeling Dissatisfied with Your Parenting, Your Home, or Your Situation
- You may feel frustrated with your spouse or co-parent if their parenting style doesn’t meet your standards.
- A messy house can leave you feeling unsettled, making it difficult to focus on connection.
Combatting Discontent:
- Practice Gratitude in the Mess: Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, intentionally find small joys each day. Keep a simple “Parenting Gratitude Journal” to shift your mindset.
- Embrace “Good Enough” Parenting: Allow yourself and your children to be in progress. If a task is done with effort, praise that instead of focusing on its imperfections.
Discouragement: Feeling Worn Down by Parenting Struggles
- Parenting can feel overwhelming, especially when progress is slow. Hopelessness or defeat may creep in when correcting your child feels ineffective and you begin to feel down about not possibly getting them ready to launch.
- If discipline efforts don’t seem to work, you may feel hopeless and resort to stricter rules in an attempt to control behavior.
Combatting Discouragement:
- Zoom Out: Instead of fixating on short-term struggles, step back and look at the bigger picture of your child’s growth.
- Lean on God’s Strength: When you feel weary, remember that transformation is a process—both for you and your child.
Discount: Minimizing or Dismissing What Truly Holds Value
- If hurt by or frustrated with your child, you may distance yourself emotionally or physically because you are not able/not willing to suck it up or fake it. Pretending everything is okay is not genuine and does not feel right.
- If others (including your child or spouse) respond emotionally rather than logically, you might dismiss their feelings instead of engaging with empathy.
Combatting Discount:
- Value Emotional Connection: Even if logic is your default, acknowledge and validate emotions—yours and others’. Relationships thrive on connection, not just correctness.
- Stay Present: If you’re tempted to withdraw, take a breath and re-engage with curiosity rather than criticism.
If you are an Enneagram Type 1 (or any Type!) and you struggle to connect with your child or spouse, or if you’d like more guidance in understanding your kids, consider parent and Enneagram coaching. I integrate faith-based concepts, attachment science, and Enneagram wisdom to help you build stronger relationships with your children.
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