What happens when we look at the struggles of parenting through the lens of the Enneagram—specifically, how the Enemy’s devices can derail us?
If you’ve followed along in this series, you’ll remember we’re exploring how the five detrimental devices of the Enemy—doubt, distraction, discontent, discouragement, and discounting—can distort your God-given design as a parent. Today, we’re focusing on Enneagram Type 2: The Helper.
Type 2s are warm, caring, and generous parents, often going above and beyond to meet the needs of those they love. But when their strengths become overextended, especially in the crucible of parenting, they can become vulnerable to the Enemy’s schemes in subtle but significant ways.
Let’s take a look at how these challenges show up—and what you can do to stand firm.
1. Doubt: Questioning God, His Word, His goodness, or your ability as a parent.
Type 2s often carry a deep desire to be loved and appreciated. Parenting, however, can feel like a one-way street—especially when your kids are too little to notice your sacrifices or too teenaged to acknowledge them. You might begin to doubt whether your love is being received—or whether it even matters. You may question God’s goodness when you see so much need around you and feel like it’s your job to meet it all. Or you might feel inadequate, believing you’re falling short as a parent because you can’t be everything to everyone.
Combatting Doubt:
- Remind yourself that God is the ultimate Helper—and you are not responsible for saving or fixing everyone (Isaiah 41:10; 45:22 and Psalms 55:22).
- Collect Evidence Folder: Create a digital or physical space to store encouraging notes, thank-yous, or small wins—anything that reflects your impact as a parent. On hard days, revisit it to remind yourself of the truth about who you are and how you show up.
- Memorize promises that affirm God’s presence and your identity, such as Romans 8:14-16, 1 John 3:1, and Deuteronomy 31:6.
- Pray: “Lord, I feel unseen and uncertain. Help me anchor my worth in You—not in what I do or how others respond.”
2. Distraction: Losing sight of what matters most.
Your heart is tuned in to others’ needs. But that sensitivity can pull you in so many directions that you neglect your own soul or overlook what your kids are really needing: your presence, not just your service. You might get caught up in doing things for your family while unintentionally disconnecting from them or trying to meet a perceived, unspoken need that is not truly what they want or need. And if a conflict arises, you may find yourself focused more on making peace than understanding what’s truly going on.
Combatting Distraction:
- Practice presence: choose moments each day to simply sit with your child, without multitasking or fixing.
- Start your day with centering prayer or Scripture—even five minutes of stillness can ground your heart.
- To avoid neglecting your needs or must-do list, use a daily top 3 list: At the start of the day, write down the three most important things you want or need to do. This practice helps anchor your attention on your own priorities, even in the middle of other people’s needs.
- Ask: “Am I serving from fullness or from fear or from assumptions? Am I rushing to meet needs, or responding from love?”
3. Discontent: Feeling dissatisfied with your parenting, your home, or your situation.
As a Type 2, you thrive when relationships are warm and connected. So when there’s tension between your spouse and your child—or when someone withholds emotion or withdraws—it can feel deeply unsettling. You might feel stuck in the middle, trying to make everyone happy but feeling like you’re failing both. Discontent may show up as resentment toward your spouse, sadness when your efforts aren’t reciprocated, or restlessness when you can’t “fix” the atmosphere.
Combatting Discontent:
- Name what you’re feeling, and invite God or a close friend into it. Discontent is often a signal, not a sin.
- Release the pressure to smooth things over. You can’t force connection, but you can be a steady, loving presence. Remember, it isn’t a lack of rupture or hurt in relationships that make them healthy and strong but it is repairing (admitting if you made a mistake, being honest about your feelings, and affirming the importance of the other person) when things don’t go well.
- Name What You Do Have: Take 60 seconds to jot down what’s going right—what’s working in your parenting, what connection you did feel today, or even small pleasures. This helps shift your mindset from lack to enough.
- Reflect on Philippians 4:11–13 and ask: “What does contentment look like in this season—even when it’s messy?”
4. Discouragement: Feeling worn down by parenting struggles.
Constantly giving without rest will eventually leave you drained. You may feel discouraged when your kids grow more independent, leaving you unsure of your role. Or maybe you’re giving everything you have, and still your child is struggling—and you feel powerless to help. You may even feel forgotten, especially in seasons where others seem to need you less.
Combatting Discouragement:
- Prioritize rest—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Build in rhythms of replenishment (Matthew 11:28-30).
- Reflect with a trusted friend or mentor who sees your heart and can speak encouragement over your efforts.
- Use Micro-Reflections: Ask yourself at the end of the day: “Where did I show love well today?” Even if it’s something tiny—like a hug, a listening ear, or making lunch—it reminds you that your care does have impact, even if no one says it out loud.
- Keep a small journal of “wins” or signs of God’s faithfulness in parenting. Even small victories matter.
5. Discounting: Minimizing or dismissing what truly holds value.
When you’re so focused on others, it’s easy to dismiss your own needs, your limits, or your boundaries. You might avoid discipline because you fear damaging the relationship. You might put off rest or solitude because you feel guilty doing something “just for you.” But when you minimize your own worth or deny your need for connection with God, your parenting suffers—and so do you.
Combatting Discounting:
- Remember: your needs matter to God. He created you with limits and invites you to honor them.
- Internal Voice Journal: Set a 5-minute timer and write freely about what you’re feeling and needing—no filtering, no editing. This helps affirm that your internal experience is valid and deserving of attention, even if it’s not “urgent.”
- Practice saying “no” or setting limits—not out of selfishness, but out of stewardship. Setting limits for your children actually helps them develop self-discipline as they grow.
- Reclaim the value of rest as a holy rhythm. Sabbath is not selfish—it’s sacred and it’s a gift from God to you!
You don’t have to parent out of depletion or desperation.
God designed you with a beautiful capacity to love and serve. But He never intended for you to parent on your own strength.
If you’re a Type 2 parent longing for deeper connection with your kids—or if you want tools to better understand and support them—I’d love to come alongside you. I offer Enneagram-informed, faith-based parent coaching that is based on attachment science that helps you grow in grace, insight, and confidence.
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