What happens when we look at the struggles of parenting through the lens of the Enneagram—specifically, how the Enemy’s devices can derail us? If you’ve followed along in this series, you’ll know we’ve been exploring how the five common tactics of the Enemy—doubt, distraction, discontentment, discouragement, and discounting—can twist and distort the strengths God has designed in each of us as parents.
Today, we turn our focus to Enneagram Type 6: The Loyalist.
The Competence and Struggles of a Type 6 Parent
As a Type 6 parent, you are committed to your family and deeply invested in their safety and well-being. You plan ahead, prepare for the unexpected, and help your kids feel safe by thinking through what might go wrong and how to prevent it. You likely take a cooperative approach to parenting, value input from your spouse and kids, and lean on trusted systems like your church or school to help raise your children well.
But your gift of loyalty and foresight can be hijacked when fear or anxiety takes the lead. You might overthink or second-guess your decisions. You might struggle with trusting your instincts—or even trusting God—when things feel uncertain. You may get stuck between conflicting loyalties, especially if your child is at odds with someone in a position of authority.
Let’s look at how each of the five tactics of the Enemy might show up for you—and what to do to keep them from wreaking havoc in your home.
1. Doubt: Questioning God, His word or goodness, or your ability as a parent
Because questioning comes so naturally to you, doubt can feel like second nature. You might wrestle with whether you’re hearing God correctly. You may wonder if you’ve made the right choices for your child’s education, friend group, or discipline. When things don’t go well, your first thought might be, “Did I mess this up?”
Combatting Doubt:
- Lean into God’s promises—even when your feelings disagree. When your heart is spinning in uncertainty, go back to God’s unchanging truth. Psalm 56:3 says, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.” Write it down. Say it out loud. Let it root deeper than your doubt.
- Practice “good enough” parenting. Psychologist Donald Winnicott coined this term to remind parents that perfection is not the goal—consistency and responsiveness are. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You need to be present.
- Create checkpoints with God, not checklists. You may crave clear steps and confirmation, but parenting rarely works like that. Instead, take small pauses during the day to ask, “Lord, what do You want me to notice right now?” Then listen and trust.
- Let trusted people speak truth to your inner doubts. Your brain can get caught in loops of “what if” or “I can’t.” Invite someone wise to remind you of your strengths and God’s provision–someone who will encourage you to make a courageous decision instead of just telling you what they think you should do.
2. Distraction: Losing sight of what matters most
Your loyalty and sense of duty are beautiful—but they can also scatter your focus. You may stay busy keeping everyone else happy or solving all the potential problems. This can keep you from being fully present with your children in small, sacred moments. It can also keep you from paying attention to your relationship with the Lord.
Combatting Distraction:
- Practice daily presence. Each morning, ask God to help you focus on one way to connect with your child that day. Whether it’s five minutes of eye contact or a short bedtime chat, stay grounded in those moments.
- Use breath and body awareness to bring yourself back. When your mind is racing, pause and take a deep breath from your abdomen. Place your hand on your heart. Say, “I’m here. This is enough.” Grounding helps calm the fear center in your brain so you can re-engage with your child.
- Limit your “input channels.” Be careful not to let every podcast, parent forum, or opinion weigh equally. Ask, “Does this align with God’s heart and my family’s needs?”
- Remember Luke 10:41–42. Like Martha, you may be “worried and upset about many things.” Jesus gently reminds her—and you—that “only one thing is necessary.” Stay near Him, and He’ll help you notice what matters most.
3. Discontentment: Feeling dissatisfied with your parenting, your home, or your situation
When loyalty clashes with discernment, it can trap you. You may stay committed to systems or people that no longer serve your child well—perhaps a toxic coach, a burned-out school, or even a family dynamic that needs to change. You see the problems, but change feels risky and speaking up may feel like betrayal. You may desire to set boundaries with extended family members (or others) but the inner turmoil this creates in you is so strong that you back down.
Combatting Discontent:
- Name the tension honestly. God is not afraid of your questions. Say to Him, “Lord, I feel stuck.” That’s not disloyal—it’s real. God can handle your confusion and guide you forward.
- Invite wise voices to speak into the situation. Sometimes you just need someone outside your loop to help you see clearly. A pastor, therapist, or coach can help you hold both loyalty and wisdom.
- Let Philippians 4:6–7 shape your thinking. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Gratitude shifts your brain’s focus from what’s lacking or lurking to what’s present.
- Consider setting boundaries as a way to protect your children and teach them self-respect. According to 2 Timothy 1:7, “the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.”
4. Discouragement: Feeling worn down by parenting struggles
When decisions feel heavy or never-ending, your mental load can wear you out. You might feel like you’re never confident enough to lead well. That weight can turn into a quiet hopelessness—especially if your kids push back on your decisions or don’t respond how you hoped. Or maybe your child seems out-of-control and you are frustrated with them and with yourself.
Combatting Discouragement:
- Be kind to your inner protector. That inner committee that questions everything? It’s trying to keep you safe. Don’t shame it. Instead, thank it and gently say, “We’re okay right now.”
- Focus on what is in your control. You can’t change every situation. But you can make one phone call. Speak one truth. Say one no. God often leads us through little steps, not big leaps.
- Reflect on small wins. Keep a journal where you write one parenting success each week—no matter how small. This helps retrain your brain to see progress, not just problems.
- Ask God to restore your strength. Isaiah 40:29 reminds us, “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” You don’t have to manufacture energy—God supplies it when we pause and ask.
- Remember that discouragement is not the end of the story. God is still working, even when you feel low. Ask Him, “Where are You at work in my family today?” and stay open to His encouragement.
5. Discounting: Minimizing or dismissing what truly holds value
Your mind naturally looks for threats—what could go wrong, what might hurt your child, or what’s uncertain. But sometimes, in trying to protect your child, you may miss what’s actually good for them. You might downplay their need for adventure, friendships, or independence.
Combatting Discounting:
- Reframe risk as opportunity. Not all risk is harmful—some is necessary for growth. Ask yourself, “What might my child learn if I say yes?” instead of “What might go wrong?”
- Remember Proverbs 2:6. It says, “For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” Trust that God gives you wisdom to bless your kids—not just protect them. Isaiah 65: 22-23 reminds us that God will bless our children through us. “My chosen ones will long enjoy the work of their hands. They will not labor in vain, nor will they bear children doomed to misfortune; for they will be a people blessed by the Lord, they and their descendants with them.”
- Let your child’s perspective matter. Even if something feels uncomfortable to you, it may be deeply meaningful to them. Ask, “Why is this important to you?” before you give a response.
- Practice small releases. You don’t have to throw open every door. Try letting your child make a decision about something low-risk—what to wear, which route to walk home, or who to invite over. Let that build your trust muscle over time.
Final Words for the Type 6 Parent
Your ability to think ahead and plan for possibilities can help your child feel deeply safe and seen. Your loyalty makes you a steady presence in their lives. They may see you as their biggest supporter—because you are. But remember: God didn’t design you to manage every possible danger. He wants you to trust Him to do what you cannot.
You are His beloved child. He is trustworthy—even when life feels uncertain. He will provide wisdom, peace, and help for every parenting moment.
If you’re a Type 6 parent longing to let go a little more so your children can engage with their world—or if you want to better understand your insecurities—I’d love to come alongside you. I offer Enneagram-informed, faith-based parent coaching rooted in attachment science that can help you grow in grace, insight, and confidence.
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