What happens when we take a closer look at parenting through the lens of the Enneagram—and ask how the Enemy tries to trip us up along the way?
If you’ve been following this series, you know we’ve been exploring how five tactics of the Enemy—doubt, distraction, discontentment, discouragement, and discounting—can twist the very strengths God designed in each of us.
Today, we’re turning to Enneagram Type 8: The Challenger.
The Heart of a Type 8 Parent
If you’re a Type 8 parent, you likely bring a bold and fearless energy to your family. You’re protective, decisive, and never afraid to advocate for your children. Your strength makes your kids feel safe. Your directness helps them know exactly where they stand. You’re driven, energetic, and your confidence inspires your children to take on the world.
You were created to reflect God’s strength, justice, and truth. You show His heart when you defend the vulnerable and stand up for what’s right.
But even your greatest strengths can become stumbling blocks when the Enemy twists them for his purposes. He can turn strength into insensitivity and your decisiveness into bossiness that may not feel welcoming to your children.
Let’s look at how these five tactics might show up in your parenting—and how you can stand firm in God’s truth.
1. Doubt: Questioning God, His Goodness, or Your Ability as a Parent
Type 8s are naturally skeptical of authority and institutions. You want to make sure no one takes advantage of your children. This protective instinct is good, but it can make it hard to trust others—including God. You might wonder if He really has your child’s best interests in mind. And when your child resists your leadership, you may start to doubt your own parenting abilities.
How to Combat Doubt:
- Surrender Control Daily: Start each morning with a simple prayer: “God, I surrender my children to You. Help me trust Your plan, not just my own strength.” Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”
- Reframe Trust as Protection: Trusting God isn’t weakness—it’s the ultimate way to protect your family. God sees what you can’t and fights battles you don’t even know exist.
- Notice the Small Wins: Doubt grows when we only focus on big results. Pay attention to small victories—your child’s kind word, their effort to apologize, or a moment of connection. These are the building blocks of character and growth.
2. Distraction: Losing Sight of What Matters Most
As a Type 8, your drive to fight for justice can pull you into battles beyond your family. You might get caught up in fixing broken systems, standing up for others, or researching solutions. But in doing so, you can lose sight of your child’s emotional needs right in front of you.
How to Combat Distraction:
- Pause for Presence: Build in small moments to fully see your child. A 5-minute “check-in” where you sit, make eye contact, and simply ask, “How are you, really?” can refocus your heart.
- Sabbath as Resistance: Schedule regular times of rest—not as laziness, but as an act of defiance against a distracted world. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.”
- Use Your Strength to Protect Time: Just as you guard your child from harm, guard your family time fiercely. Set boundaries around work, activism, and screen time.
3. Discontentment: Feeling Like You’re Not Enough (Or Things Aren’t Happening Fast Enough)
You’re a “make it happen” kind of parent. When things stall—like potty training, academic struggles, or social conflicts—you may feel frustrated or resentful. You might envy parents whose kids seem easier or wonder why things aren’t improving faster.
When you think your child has not been treated fairly, you may be inclined to react strongly, maybe even leaving the situation or group or arguing with other adults. Taking charge in a reactive way is likely to be disruptive for your child and ultimately not in their best interest. If you over-protect your child and they are not able to learn how to handle disappointment or stand up for themselves, you are not allowing them to build resilience.
Conflict with your children may end poorly if neither one of you is willing to back down. You are not likely to have much tolerance for being challenged by a child. This may make it hard to listen to what your child is really trying to communicate.
How to Combat Discontentment:
- Practice Holy Patience: Growth is slow work. James 5:7 reminds us to be patient, like a farmer waiting for rain. Trust that God is working beneath the surface.
- Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection: Make it a habit to name one thing your child is learning or improving each week. This trains your heart to see growth, even when it feels slow.
- Connecting Before Correcting: When frustration rises, take a breath and connect emotionally before trying to fix the problem. Ask your child how they are feeling and what they are thinking–and really listen. This builds trust and calms your own urgency.
- Do An Internal Body Scan: When you feel yourself getting angry or reactive, pause and pay attention to what is going on in your body. Notice where you feel tense. Attend to what your gut is prompting you to do. Give your body credit for wanting to protect your child or get stuff done. Take 3 deep breaths. Make a mental note of what happened and come back to it later.
4. Discouragement: Feeling Worn Down by Parenting Demands
You’re wired for action. But parenting often requires slowing down, nurturing, and attending to emotions—which can feel draining to you. When your child needs more empathy than you think is necessary, or when they lack your drive or vision, discouragement can creep in. It seems like you keep investing in your children and don’t see the progress you desire.
You often keep pushing to get things done without paying much attention to your body. With all of the parenting, work, and life responsibilities, you are likely to run yourself ragged. Physical depletion can lead to frustration at having to take a break or get rest.
You may be disappointed that your children are not more engaged with you, despite efforts to draw them in. Because you easily assert yourself and freely express negative emotions, your children may feel overlooked or may be hesitant to state their opinion or share their feelings. Your strong reactions may cause your children to hold back or withdraw from you in a manner that you don’t notice in the moment. And you are left feeling baffled about what is happening.
How to Combat Discouragement:
- Honor Your Limits: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Jesus Himself took time to rest (Mark 6:31). Build rhythms of rest and self-care into your week.
- Reframe Nurture as Strength: Caring for your child’s emotional needs isn’t soft or weak—it’s a powerful act of leadership. Emotional attunement builds secure attachments that foster resilience and help children conquer their world.
- Invite God’s Strength in Your Weakness: When you feel like giving up, remember 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” You don’t have to be strong all the time. God’s got your back!
- Pay Attention To Your Kids’ Non-Verbal Reactions: If you repeatedly notice your child diverting their gaze or slowly backing out of a room or becoming very focused on a task, it may indicate that your child is afraid to be honest with you or talk about their feelings. You may want to consider what happened right before your child tried to distance themselves.
5. Discounting: Minimizing What Truly Holds Value
Type 8s value action and results. Feelings can seem irrelevant or even irritating. But when you dismiss your child’s emotions, you may unintentionally create distance in your relationship. Emotions are God-given signals, pointing to deeper needs.
How to Combat Discounting:
- Practice Emotional Curiosity: Instead of dismissing feelings, get curious. Ask, “Can you tell me more about how you’re feeling?” This invites connection without requiring you to “fix” anything.
- Remember Jesus Wept: The shortest verse in the Bible (John 11:35) shows us that Jesus valued and expressed emotions. He didn’t rush past grief—even though He knew resurrection was coming. He vulnerably immersed himself in his experience.
- Use Your Voice to Name Feelings: Model emotional literacy by naming your own feelings out loud. For example, “I’m feeling really frustrated right now, but I’m going to take a breath before I respond.” This teaches your children that emotions are normal and manageable.
A Final Word for Type 8 Parents
You were made to be strong, bold, and protective. Your family needs your courage. But they also need your softness.
Your greatest strength as a parent isn’t in controlling outcomes—it’s in creating a safe place where your children know they are seen, heard, and loved.
God isn’t asking you to be perfect. He’s inviting you to trust Him with your fierce heart and let Him shape it with compassion. You are not too much. You are not lacking. You are being formed—day by day—into His image.
If you’re a Type 8 parent longing to feel both protected and connected—without losing your sense of agency—I’d love to walk alongside you. I offer Enneagram-informed, faith-based parent coaching rooted in attachment science to help you parent with purpose, compassion, and grace.
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