Because even the holiest parents have blind spots—and God is not done with us yet.
We’re continuing our Parenting Patterns series—where we look at how our personality, attachment history, and lived experiences shape the way we show up with our kids. In this series, we’re specifically using the Enneagram to help uncover default patterns that may be running on autopilot due to our personality wiring. The more we understand ourselves, the more intentionally we can love and lead our children. Because transformation doesn’t start by trying harder—it starts by seeing more clearly and embracing grace for ourselves.
In this mini-series, we’re exploring the Centers of Intelligence. This post turns to the Heart Triad—Types 2, 3, and 4—those who tend to experience life through emotion and relational connection. These parents are motivated by a desire for significance, identity, and love, often tuning in quickly to the emotional needs of others. They value authenticity, approval, and meaningful connection, and are highly aware of how others perceive them and their children. But underneath that desire for connection is a struggle that often goes unnoticed—shame.
The Heart Center in Parenting
If you’re in the Heart Center, you likely pick up on the emotional atmosphere around you without even trying. You may hone in on your child’s disappointment before they say a word. You may even absorb their feelings without realizing it. You care deeply about relationships—and may feel most secure when everyone feels close, cared for, and okay with each other.
In parenting, this sensitivity can be a beautiful asset. You likely:
- Notice and respond to your child’s emotional needs quickly
- Model emotional intimacy, warmth, and affection
- Provide a safe place for kids to talk about their inner world
- Help your kids develop social awareness and relational sensitivity
Your children probably know they are loved—and that they matter deeply to you.
Where This Center Might Create Challenges
Because relationships are so important, when things go wrong in parenting—a mistake, a misunderstanding, a moment of anger—it can feel devastating. Shame can whisper lies that you’re not enough, that you’ve failed, or that you’re ruining your child. It’s not just about the behavior—it can feel like an identity crisis: “What if I’m not a good parent?”
This shame can lead to self-critical inner dialogue, a fear of not being enough, or a temptation to overcompensate by becoming the “perfect” parent—or the parent your child never gets mad at.
You might say things like:
- “Don’t be mad at me–it hurts me more than it hurts you.”
- “I need you to do it for me, please.”
- “Can’t we just stay close?”
- “Please don’t make me look bad.”
Heart-centered parents may also:
- Overidentify with their child’s emotional state
- Struggle to set firm limits if it risks relational tension
- Want their children to make them proud (or reflect well on them)
- Avoid discipline that might create disconnection or disapproval
You may find yourself taking your child’s behavior personally, or believing it reflects something about your own worth as a parent. That’s a heavy burden to carry—and it’s not one God asks you to bear because it is not true.
What Might God Be Inviting You Into?
One of the most beautiful reflections of God’s heart in you is your desire for meaningful connection. You mirror the God who sees, feels, and longs for relationship with His children.
But God also knows that your worth doesn’t come from how others respond to you—not even your kids.
He is inviting you to experience a deeper identity—one that doesn’t rise and fall with your child’s moods or the approval of others. He is inviting you to let go of shame, to trust that He’s not disappointed in you when you miss the mark, and to receive His grace so you can model that same grace to your kids.
He may also be inviting you to practice solitude—to be alone with Him without performing, fixing, or being needed. In the quiet, He speaks words of truth over you:
"You are My beloved child. You are already enough."
📖 A verse to hold onto:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” - Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
God is not repelled by your shame. He draws near to it—and offers healing, not condemnation. You are free to be real with Him. And you are free to be a growing, imperfect parent who is deeply loved.
For Reflection
- When do I hide my true self in my parenting? What am I afraid will happen if I’m honest?
- How does shame—mine or my child’s—shape the way I connect?
- Do I sometimes prioritize connection over correction?
- In what ways can I integrate my gut wisdom and clear thinking alongside my feelings?
- What is it like for me to be alone with God? What do I sense He says about me when no one else is watching?
Encouragement for Heart Type Parents
Parenting from the Heart Center is tender, attuned, and emotionally rich. You offer your children a beautiful reflection of God’s loving presence. But you don’t have to earn love by being the perfect parent. You are already loved. Fully. Right now.
Let God be your safe place—the One who holds your heart when it feels broken, ashamed, or not enough. Your kids don’t need a flawless parent. They need a parent who can be real, receive grace, and keep showing up with love.
You’re not parenting alone. And grace is waiting for you to embrace it.
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If you are interested in exploring how your Enneagram type is impacting your parenting, schedule a free connection call with me. Grab a free 15-minute coaching call by clicking the button below.
