As summer begins, I am reflecting on being a mama to a high school graduate who will be heading off to college in the fall. He is my first child, so this whole process is new for me. Many of my friends are experiencing this as well. While we talk about how hard it is to have them leave the nest, I wonder how many of us actually slow down and process what that means for us as parents (Dads included here, too!) to launch a child and allow ourselves to experience all of the feels: Pride in our children’s accomplishments, sadness that they will not be part of daily life in the fall, excitement for how God will use the gifts He has given them, fear for what might not go right for them (failing a test or worse, a college course; difficulties finding good friends/getting in with the wrong crowd; poor choices that could harm them; not attending to their health; etc.), fear of letting go and allowing them to experience the good and the bad without us nearby to help…and the list goes on. I am not advocating worst-case thinking here but I am aware that I have a lot going through my mind and heart. I wonder if you do, too? (I will be talking more about emotions this summer because it is so critical for our own mental health but also for raising healthy and secure children.) I am inviting you to pay attention to your emotions and even share them with someone.
I think that some of these same emotions are likely going through the heads of parents of younger children and adult children! One of the hardest questions I am asking myself as a parent of an about-to-be college student is “Did I do a good enough job?” Maybe I am the only one pondering that (it would be consistent with my Type 3 Enneagram motivation to perform well and achieve and avoid failure) but I somehow imagine that this one is pretty universal?! We all want to raise our children to be the best humans that they can be. If we are Christians, we want them to love Jesus and maintain their faith. We want them to be successful. We want them to have healthy relationships. We want them to be able to hold down a job or do well in school. We want them to be emotionally intelligent.
While summer seems to come with excitement and hope for adventures and vacations, many regular routines and meetings are put aside to accommodate summer schedules. Some parents may start to feel isolated due to fewer adult interactions or overwhelmed by children’s behavior or need for constant entertainment. This is normal but can be hard to admit. Sometimes we get frustrated with our kids or maybe we feel helpless in knowing how to respond to them or their big behaviors or feelings. I want parents to know they are not alone. I would like to build a community where we can be honest about how hard parenting can be and how human we are as parents (i.e. how much we mess up in regard to our children). Be on the look-out for information about a few remote, summer “Informal Family Room Gatherings” where parents can join me to ask questions about parenting and where parents can find a safe space to admit the challenges of parenting.
Questions to ponder:
What support do you want or need for parenting?
What emotions have you experienced with the end of the school year and beginning of summer?
